The meeting with Lakson went on fine . They know i can do the job for them . And the best part is that i told mama about this and she was really very happy . I guess with so many ppl coming back from all over to stay with us , mum will have something nice to brag about her Eldest son. Its nice that she's happy . i want to see her happy because it just lifts me up too . U know , i feel good when im walking and talking to people knowing that my mother is happy and content . Plus its a home run if i had a little to contribute to her happiness .

The latest is that the letter and the cards that i sent to phuppoo have reached them and are being scrutinised for any undue comments that they might find odd . The bad news that Dad's return has not been negated as such so i take it that my next two months around him will be quite uneasy to say the least .

There's no news about the car . The FIR i got registered doesnt seem to work . thats paki police . what can i say ... i guess i'd have to use the charade till i find another one ....

I noticed that im usually trying to stay away from people . As a person who has always wanted people around him , that is really wierd .Its like im always on square one . True i dont like it but it just doesnt seem to kick me enough to try and socialize . Im pinning my hopes to this new work place . I heard that they'er good .This'll give me a chance to experiment . Atleast i'll be socialising rather than being a book worm . Im surprised that a person can be as wrong as i am . I mean im an ostrich. My mother and i had a long discussion last night at around 12'ish .She told me to kick everyone , especially those who mess wih me . She really wants me to stick on this time . And she also know that i crash if im kicked around unnecessary .Like some get over with it and get on with their lives . I just dont seem to belong to the same specie. I guess i can try and kick ass . I will not lag this time . Its not that i failed earlier . Its just that I didnt go the distance . I didnt fight for myself .I should've stayed at all the places without being worried . Khair i remember my mum telling me that this impatience thing is something that i inherited from my father .

I remember when aaman died , there was a lot of fuss created by those good-for-nothing phuppoo's about the last altercatioon b/w mummy and aaman ( daadi ) . They were implying that it led to a gradual deterioration in her tabiat and final death . I was still young then but i still remember those bitches talking crap about mom and my dad not saying anything to stop them. It was his fault . He did jackshit . He should've supported his wife but he didnt . I guess it was then that i started to look at things fom a totally different perspective . I told myself that one day im gonna tell these ladies that my mother was not at fault . Her only fault was that she prefered to keep quiet infront of all of them to save us , all five of us from the scortching criticism and wrath of those women and my father .I know it has been hard for her but i cannot change the past . I will stay by her side no matter what and will take our future in my hands . She deserves a peace of mind . After all that she's been through , she deserves a break . I remember she even fought for Nighat. ( Read;Nighat's death ) DAMN..... You see when the phada started , she tried to cool down dad but it didnt work . Dad and Nighat phupo kept shouting . That led to those unchartered memories which one prefers to forget . She criticisized him . He got more angry. Started looking for his revolver . He was breathing fire. I was only around 10 and nearly puked . I was scared . My bitch daadi kept sitting there watching her son, daughter and her Baho fight . It still amazes me . what can suddenly go wrong that a person ...., a perfectly sane individual wants to kill someone and another kills herself . I am at aloss for words.