Sometimes i really think . I mean not like U dont think or anything but its just that I think and thank God that HE has given me the strength to actually realise all the wrong that is happening around . I mean i really worry about trivialities . Mama sayz that its a gift . But it does get to me sometimes . It pisses me off so much that i really wish I was as mean as one can be . But then i think of ammi and i think of the troubles she has been through already and i tell myself that its better this way . Im the only one who takes care of her here and im sure i wont once i start acting like my younger siblings . I think of her and i tell myself that she's so happy that im finally recovering from the " I'll kill you az " scare courtesy my dad . Atleast she acknowledges that abbu was wrong . That is enough for me .
I need to make her proud . That is all i wanna focus on these dayz . But those 12 years still haunt me like this ghost of one of your old relatives that you really dont like but were always being nice to because your mama told you so . And now even in death hez there . Boooooh Booooh .
Aaj mama nay kaha key i have to lighten up and make new friends ... She knows that im always so immaculate about things that one fuck up and I end up spoiling all my day not to mention my mood ..She'z right . i do feel the need to make new friends . I've been the bubble boy for too long .Ab aaj he ki example lay lo .. in the morning i woke up late , the PC was screwed , Tanzeel snatched my toopa , Sababa didnt come and i couldnt give her the new book and get back my " Peak Of Eloquence " . Then there was just one class b/c mehnaz didnt show up , Raza left his cell somewhere and i couldnt get intouch with him , Shami had promised but didnt drop the book at my place , Murtaza hadn't done his home work and finally the MSN wasnt working ..... I felt like crying . It was as if the Lady Luck said ; " Buster like it or not , you're not it ...."I badly needed to catch some air . I went out for a walk . Came back . Im actually smiling while writing this . Because when i came back , Mama saw " my sana hua thobra " to quote her and she confronted me . She could actually tell that i could break down anytime . WoW . No wonder mothers tower the paradise.... hehehe ..... No one in my 25 years of life has ever been able to make out what im thinking and she just knew .. After all i am a part of her ..aint it .... But i didnt tell her every thing . I cant have her worry like me ; can I ? ...I felt like watching Forest Gump . Run Forest Run , Run Forest Run , Run Forest Run , Run Forest Run ... but iss waqt im a lil better after writing all of this .. But its no match for a real live person talking and smiling infront of ya ...
Champagne High
I wasn't looking for a lifetime with you
And I never thought it would hurt just to hear
"I do" and "I do"
And I do a number on myself
And all that I thought to be
And you'll be the one
That just left me undone
By my own, hesitation
and for the million hours that we were
well I'll smile and remember it all
then I'll turn and go
while your story's completed mine is a long way from done.
Well I'm on a champagne high
Where will I be when I stop wondering why
On a champagne high
I'd toast to the future but that'd be a lie
On a champagne high, high
TODAY 
