My mother is a very emotional woman . She's been through a lot in life and the marrow is that its about time she transcends .. for herself . For us . For all of us . I have a feeling that you might actually not get the gist of what this entry is all about BUT i cannot help you there ... Its just the way i feel about her .. I know some of youz would say this is absurd But i guess this is what the generation gap is all about ... I reckon you have no idea what gap im talking about But it is there .. Our elders acknowledge it ..


Its like this .... my younger siblings are more averse to my parents than me .. But they were lucky enough not to be in the line of fire when my dad was all guns blazing .. Everyone here knows this ... But lets put it all behind ..


What i wanted to tell you is that i KNOW these days she's in a 'spot' which she doesnt relish. Something that has haunted her for a while now . Something that badgers her every dying moment and then finally when the time comes , she'd want one of us to make the call for her . Its like lumbago . Old age and pain go together


Asal mein Her husband is in New Jersey along with two of her other kids ..Imagine how sketchy she must feel without them . This quagmire is deeper though . Now she's set to visit them in a month or so and yesterday i saw her crying alone sitting on the dinner table .. weeping profusely ... She said she is 'torn' between the desire to meet dad and Arjumand and Murtaza BUT on the other hand she's afraid that she wont get to see us ... We'll be here and she'll be there .. Its so implausibly painful . bittersweet , aint it .. So unfair .. We cannot accompany her and she HAS to visit em and there is no OTHER way around this ...


The fact that i cannot do much is harsh yet a reality . . SO all I CAN do is sit quietly infront of her and try to calm her down ... My desire to hold her close is overwhelming but i fear she'll just cry more .. She's so fragile now .. She's 45 and has so many incidents haunting her that she's skeptic about life itself .. The reminiscences of the GOOD OLLLD DAYS make her sad .. Life was not complicated .. We were happy ... Not that we're not happy these days BUT she cannot help but think of those days . And then at times she's thankful thats those shadows of yesteryears are fading away in the dark alleys where they belong . Ive spoken to her about this .. I tell her not to worry .. I assure her that im here . She knows that and she wants to stop worrying but i can understand that this has become a hypothetical scourge on the existing Rizvi paradigm .. .. Maula knows we've tried to change and Yes thnigs are promising now


I actually derive my strength from her determination . I know she's been through a lot and ive acceded to the fact that i can do it if she can PLUS with her prayers for whats left of us , life will return to its fullest . inshallah .