It was three in the night when I decided to retire . Got a message from my boss and checked my email . Got a pleasant surprise . I won the First Annual Brass Crescent Awards in both the categories I was nominated in. The “Best Commenter” and “The Best Thinker” awards . I would like to thank all of you nominated me and finally voted for me aswell . The nomination itself was a surprise . There were some big names in the nominees and I thought I didn’t have a chance . Alhumdollilah , it turned out well . Id like to specially thank Huma and Ali for their support and encouragement .


The past week has been trying to say the least .Seema Tahir's father passed away . It brought back a lot of memories . Before my Grandpa died , i was the one who took him to the hospital at 4 in the morning .Loosing one's grandparents can be a very difficult experience for some .I still remember the times when he would make me sit on the charpoy teach me shorthand . We never got to the sign language . I got goose bumps when i heard about Seema Tahir's father . Although I never met him but im thinking …. How different can he be from my Grandfather . I mean he probably loved his grand children the same way mine loved me .Mine was a wonder . He was an amazing writer . He’d read out his poems to me whenever id stay over night at his place .I wonder what kind of a grandfather would I be .To hold the offspring of my own blood …. this is what life is all about . Have you ever wondered how blessed all of us are . In terms of relationships . In terms of the people that we love and im not talking about the ones that love us . That discussion would end up in a book.


I Have been sick lately . Mayb i needed to take some time off .The wedding at Kohinoor PC was a disaster . I was on my way back from studio to the channel office when ammi called to remind me of the valima . I had to decide quickly if i wanted to start the Grafix or not . If i left it for saturday , i thought , i would have to complete it on Sunday .i opted to kill my sunday . When i got back , i had a severe fever . Phuppo ko pick karna tha . With immaculate timing , the tyre punctured . I was blamed for it , ofcourse . I responded poorly . I told phuppoo that she is no different than the rest of em .I shouldnt have done this .But I had been sick and hungry and I didn’t think twice . I felt bad . Latter I was laughing my head off . I am such a weirdo . I cannot be mad at anyone for long . I tried and tried but I had to give in . For those who know me , im sure your’re shaking you heads .So stop it already . Neways … I realized that I should either try to NOT be impolite or in extreme cases , learn to be rude and be happy with myself after that .If I cant control this , then there is no point being mad and rude . Hahaha …


For the world i remain an impassive individual . In my moments of silence and solitude , it all comes up to the brim .Something’s amiss .The strength with which i once wrote is no more .Now i cannot smile after i complete my lines . Gone are the words that made me feel alive .I have to take breaks to regain my composure after every two lines . Its getting worse . I cannot find a way out . I still haven’t found my family and now im getting impatient . I need to find the love that i never felt , that never existed for me . A caring Father . A Mother who would worry about my health .A Sister who would wish me a Happy Birth day . A Brother who would go to the movies with me . I never regained from the fall and its becoming evident now . I am a ballyhoo . I have been running after this mirage of a 'loving family' for more than half a decade now . And it seems that it keeps running away from me . Farther and Farther . On the journey i forged relationships with people so that i could borrow some meaning from ‘here’ to my own life .


I have a long way to go .