As numb as I am rite now , I pulled myself up from my couch to thank HIM for all that I have so that I can focus on the bounties …. nay the blessings and strive to forget my miseries . I have effectively been labeled a ‘bane’ ( hypothetically ) at work , I think . I honestly could not have tackled the events any differently than I did in the first place . But if this incident told me anything , it is that my being a misfit is NOT a phase . It is here to stay . And with this I feel that I must try and not worry about things. In general , I noticed that I worry about the notions of Right and Wrong . I worry about this so much that I wreck myself . Talking to medussa , I realized one thing …. Wrong will always prevail . The Rights are only there to enable us distinguish between the two extremes . Right’s triumph is a fallacy in principle . My notions of righteousness and truth have taken me from the zenith to ground zero . I write this with pain .With sorrow . And my loved ones have been victimized in this war . I have hurt many because I wanted the ‘right’ for them . Some hung by . Some didn’t . Some I felt should’ve stood by but I cannot blame them . Some times in rage I took it out on them but they know better .


All in all , it was never my call . Mom . Dad . Anila . Sabeen . Asfia . Ammara . Irtiza . Arjumand . Farah . Murtaza . Nasir . Rizwan . Nareeman . Shoaib . Momal . Saman . Kishwer . The list goes on . I have tried in vain . I have failed . I wish I could list everything that I hate and love about these people . But I cannot . I cannot restrict my emotions to a few lines . I cannot . I’m incapable of doing such a thing . I wish I could . I feel I could’ve been less neurotic if these people had tried . I know I shouldn’t expect anything from them . I know they all have to go away some time or the other . I know they don’t owe me anything . But my notions of right and wrong impress upon me to expect . I cannot NOT expect . I am made this way and it has pushed my in shit deeper than any abyss they talk about in fairy tales .Do not for a moment think that this list is exhaustive .My relatives are there aswell . But it’s a custom to forget . Although this custom does not exist in my book , it still exists elsewhere and reins .


But I cannot blame them for anything . Atleast not on this page . I have all my toes . I still do not look like Gulshan Grover .I don’t talk like Momar Rana . Thank GOD for that .