There is a tribe in East Africa in which the art of true intimacy (I would call it bonding) is fostered even before birth. In this tribe, the birth date of a child is not counted from the day of its physical birth nor even the day of conception, as in other village cultures. For this tribe the birth date comes the first time the child is a thought in its mother's mind. Aware of her intention to conceive a child with a particular father, the mother then goes off to sit alone under a tree. There she sits and listens until she can hear the song of the child that she hopes to conceive. Once she has heard it, she returns to her village and teaches it to the father so that they can sing it together as they make love, inviting the child to join them. After the child is conceived, she sings it to the baby in her womb. Then she teaches it to the old women and midwives of the village, so that throughout the labor and at the miraculous moment of birth itself, the child is greeted with its song. After the birth, all the villagers learn the song of their new member and sing it to the child when it falls or hurts itself. It is sung in times of triumph, or in rituals and initiations. The song becomes a part of the marriage ceremony when the child is grown, and at the end of life, his or her loved ones will gather around the deathbed and sing this song for the last time.- [From "Birth and Violence" by Thomas R. Verny.]


The next few weeks will be difficult. I have to keep my shit together . We will be moving to our new office. This means more travel .More fuel expenditure and more depreciation .I haven’t been able to focus lately aswell .Day before yesterday we had the breakfast show auditions . Though I wasn’t too interested in it to begin with because Sidra was mashallah handling it well but then I got a call from another producer that there is no one at the studio . I had to goto the doc’s aswell in the morning and I was already palpitating. Hadn’t slept that night because the tenants had been messing around with the electricity lines so had to deal with that aswell .Then I had to make the framework . I had promised Sidra that id get her something that could be worked upon .Her trip can benefit our cause . I somehow worked on the framework that night . Couldn’t sleep .


She called me in the morning to tell me that she was selected as the spokesperson for the Scotland project .I congratulated her on achieving this feat . She must go on . She also asked me to be at the studio to look after the lighting. I went to the doc’s for a brief checkup but there were just too many people there . Waited for a while and then decided to drop by at the office because Maimona wanted a word aswell .Had to stay back because Amir and Faraz wanted to tag along aswell .Messaged Sidra that she must call the Studio to give instructions about the lighting . Waited and Waited and Waited .Got to the studio . Sidra was already there . She looked somewhat shaken . Aftab Azeem Sahab was handling this by that time . Khair …. Before the auditions , I wasn’t so keen on doing it . I was there because I had spoken to her and I didn’t wanna let her down .I hadn’t taken my medicines and that sorta made this more annoying . But by the time the auditions ended , I wanted in . This could be fun .I prayed that I’d stay up and running for a few more hours . By the time the auditions started ,my BP was very low by that time . I could tell . I was sweating . I was having difficulty breathing . I came out to get some fresh air . Ambreen called . She is doing fine . Mashallah .


Zia Gurchani caught up with me immediately after Ambreen’s phone and we spoke to about an hour . A zephyr at people skills this man is trained to be the best whenever he feels like . His nephew was there aswell . Nice kid . Im going to take him in one of my Children shows . The kid Rocks. By the time I got through with the auditions , it was late and Nabeel had come over . He wanted to discuss the Screenplay . He had waited for an hour or so and I couldn’t refuse him . The auditions went well . Despite my reservation in the beginning , by the time the auditions ended , I was all for the show . This could be fun .Lets C .Nabeel accompanied me home . I couldn’t keep up with the pace but I had to speak to him about it .Missed my appointment with the Doc again .The day ended at the sad note . I didn’t accomplish anything substantial .I was unhealthy . I was miserable . I was fucking mad at myself . I had too many things to handle and I AM trained to handle stress .Fuck it .


Two night ago everything came apart . I came home and I couldn’t breath . Irtiza took me to the Hospital . Sidra and Anum were already there . I felt so stupid making them wait .But I had to take all my reports to the doc to make sure he knows what’s happening . He said its nothing but some anxiety . He was a little surprised about the Nicotine level . He said I made progress .. sarcastic little bastard .. No one can move from half pack a day to one and a half pack a day in less than two weeks . Kameena =) . He was smiling but he knows I can handle it . Maybe its because of my complacent disposition that I falter interms of health .But the anxiety is nothing I couldn’t handle .Im a pro at it . When I got back it was late and I made some milkshake .Hummed myself to sleep after messaging my brains out for no reason .


Miss Naseem got a few job offers and she was a little indecisive . I told her “Nokree Ki Toe Nakhra Kee” .She knows what I mean .Financially it hasn’t been to neat for me . Ammi called today aswell .She is also worried about the new house they are buying in New jersey . I could tell she wanted to be here at that moment but only a phone call had to suffice.I was already not too upbeat and I didn’t like the way she sounded .I wanted to be there so that I can tell her things will be alrite . She asked about how things are .I wished I could tell her about my health but I couldn’t . Aur pareshaan ho jateen . Khair she complained about Murtaza being a moron and not praying . I spoke to him for 5 minutes and asked him to be a little responsible . HE must take care of things there now that they are moving in the new house .


Rabia Masi came over after a long time . She used to work for us . She had been our maid for quite a while before she disappeared .She told us that her two young boys both under 10 died of some disease . She looked really sad .She spoke as if she was dreaming . Poor woman . She looked broken . Quiet . Healthy but Quiet . She had been working hard for quite some time now and next thing you know she loses her half her family .We decided to ask her to come back and do the weekly ironing for us .Ammi told me to pay her for the monthly ironing so that she can keep working , and this way she gets to work aswell and she gets some money aswell .My sister will be paying milk money .But There again … nothing substantial we can do about it . Darn . Made me more resolute to do something about my NGO or contribute In some manner . Salma Khaala will be coming next week from Kissimmee .She will be staying with us . Allah khair karay .Last time she was here , she criticized me on my chosen profession just like Bibi Khaal , Abbu and others . I cannot take it abhi .Feel too vulnerable right now .I need to run away . I wish I had an invisible cloak I could hide in .