Im too tired right now to think about not thinking anything . And since I cannot NOT think , im forced to think about the one thing I must not think about . Abbu wont be coming back for atleast a few more weeks , that’s the good part . The bad part is that we need to move to a new house soon . The past few altercations with our landlord weren’t interesting . Suffice it to say we ended up looking bad for something we had ignored for a while now and consequently we find ourselves looking for a more decent place to live .


I try and avoid driving out in the night . There are a lot of police check-posts near my place and who knows which one of them has had a bad day and he’d take it out on you .But I drove to Agha Khan . Anushka was in the hospital .


The Agha Khan Hospital wore a deserted look . People quietly sitting tired . Families gathered around each other whispering . Some sleeping on the benches .Some engrossed in a deep low pitched conversation . The hustle and bustle of the evening tires most of them out who are there for their loved ones . I could see some elderly women praying . It was pitch dark outside but as I entered the Emergency Room , it was a different world altogether . Doctors , Nurses , Attendants and stretchers all over the place . A distinct white everywhere . I felt nauseated . Ive had my fair share of hospitals and I didn’t wanna be in one again at 12 in the night but I had to be there . Zee called and said that she was at the AKH with her parents and her 8 and a half year old niece might be going through an Appendix operation . Jeez .. as if my brother’s debacle wasn’t enough . She sounded desperate . When I got there , I spoke to her mother . She looked fine for a grandmother who’s granddaughter might have an appendix operation in a few hours . Told em that there was nothing to worry about . Her sister was a little pensive . The child lay there still .I had met her only once before but she recognized me . Waved and said ; “it doesn’t hurt anymore bhai” . The doctor smiled . Smart kid , he must’ve wondered . So did I . I stuck around for a while . Spoke to them . Spoke to the doctor . The test results would take two hours and only then we can determine if we need to operate , he said .


Was tired as hell . Wanted to get home forun .Got Sid’s message . Replied ambiguously . Zee called . I didn’t answer . Tired . As I drove out , I sorta felt like I didn’t wanna go back . I wanted to talk . About anything . Something .To someone . Anyone .Stopped at McDonald’s . Didn’t eat anything . Just sat in a corner .People inside were happy . Smiling . Sat inside for a while .


The big day was like any other day . People called and messaged all night . Ammi called in the night . I miss her . I haven’t seen her in ages . I wanted a hug from her . Didn’t breakdown . Ive come too far now to turn back .Phupoo called . Alam bhai called .I was busy the whole night trying to find a place for my family . I had totally forgotten about the big day . Ammi was the first one to call and I found myself wondering … what am I doing at this hour of the night at office . All alone . Had already dropped Sid at her grandparents house and I didn’t feel like going home . I don’t know . Something was not right .Called up a few more estate agents . Must get home with some potential apartments . Kept telling myself . No avail .Drove back quietly . Sister wished bday . did Nazar the next day .


People love birthdays .A few of em dropped by in the morning .Sabeen also came over . This is the first we spoke to each other after the Dilawar incident .She says she understands but I wouldn’t be surprised if she doesn’t . Got to work as usual , a little late .I forgot my bag and thus didn’t have my medicine .Had a spine shattering backache which worsened by the evening .Then the headache started .Left work early .People at work were very gentle and warm. They even sang the birthday song . Embarrassing . I love wishing people a neat bday and everything n on the other hand don’t see why people celebrate their birthdays .I also did . Once . Though I don’t remember why it was fun back then. Every year it’s a whole new bunch of people wishing me a nice Salgirah ka Din .Then there are the puraanay waalay loog . So the mix is interesting .This year more than 80% were new friends , acquaintances , colleagues .Funny how more and more people keep adding to this list . Im not too social a soul and I don’t know how I manage to get so many birthday wishes. But I praise HIM nonetheless .Though im tired now …. Its been along day . Don’t feel like eating . I want to so not do anything … I still think I have a better life than thousands out there. Love or no love , Im blessed .