Today was weird . Forgot the medicine in the morning .Went to the doctor . Things weren’t too pretty . The throat gets better but something else gets bad . This is insane . Got to work . Thought id tell the manager . The manager disappeared .Had an argument with the estate agent who kept disappearing on me. Had an argument with The Manager upon return. Had an argument with Maimoona . Had an argument with myself . Couldn’t help amir khatak when he felt down . Couldn’t hide my disappointment from The Manager . Couldn’t hide my disappointment from Maimoona . Zaheer Khan scolded me . Mr Rehman made fun of me .An old acquaintance called and said trash about me . After all of this I called up the manager to talk and got a cold shoulder . Ofcourse the manager didn’t know that I had already had a shitty day but hey … what can I say .I couldn’t burden the manager with my shit .I realize one thing . I must not expect people to understand .I knew it all along so it is my fault . How can I keep making the same mistake . Why do I do this to myself . Why can I NOT fret . Why must I let these trivialities bug me .


I can only think of my own expectations to blame . And why shouldn’t I . I have irrational expectations . I feel that just cause Im there for people , a select few should be there for me aswell . to hold me when I break down .though I try hard to not let it come to this , it sometimes gets difficult . It sometimes becomes impossible to hold on to ‘self’ . I must overcome this flaw or I will forever remain hostage to this need to be held .It might seem a towering task but it is something that must be done . And the fact that im NOT new to this phenomenon makes it easier for me to get up and start running again .


Kahlil Gibran wrote :


Your friend is your needs answered.


He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.


And he is your board and your fireside.


For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.


When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay."


And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;


For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.


When you part from your friend, you grieve not;


For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.


And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.


For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.


And let your best be for your friend.


If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.


For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?


Seek him always with hours to live.


For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.


And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.


For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.


Being abandoned means i must stop day dreaming but Somehow I still believe in what Khalil has to say . I still believe in giving but I do not believe in taking .